Versailles Part II

Ok, here we go. ..

A few more couples had entered the dining room - very dressed up and very Russian.

Then our first course of food came. Now here is a slice of my family. My dad and aunt ordered mushroom soup - actually very delicious - with the intent of sharing with the whole table. And we did. My uncle had ordered Vinaigrette - which is like a cold beet chopped salad. They brought him a bowl of hot borscht. We all stared silently as it was placed in front of him. Once the wait staff left, he started eating it. I wondered aloud if I had heard his order wrong. He paused and concluded that he probably should have ordered the borscht anyway. It was pretty tasty. We all took a spoon.

My aunt ordered these crazy - crazy - carrots. They were raw strips of carrots mixed with a lot of chopped garlic. Like so much garlic that it hurt to eat. We all took a taste. We all squirmed as the bite hit us hard and then went for more. We concluded that we would all be healthier if we had more garlic in our lives.


I brought the carrot leftovers home and Darin made me toss them because, even in a sealed container in the fridge, they made our entire house smell like a garlic factory.

Now luckily this whole time in the restaurant I was sitting with my back to the rest of the room. This way I could control my mortification as more people filed in. By now a very large man in a suit and a woman in a backless dress came in and starting greeting the others. Then I noticed that the others were all carrying gifts. Slowly more guests were filing in and taking their seats in of the four long tables.

I thought I had figured out what was happening. "Maybe a rehearsal dinner?" I asked my mom.

"Probably a wedding reception."

WHAATT?? a WEDDING? We were crashing these random Russians' private wedding reception?? And we were trapped in the far back of the room?

Sure enough, just after we got our main dishes, another large man came on to the dance floor with a mic. He introduced himself in half English, half Russian. Then he gave his toast.


"When I think of Nicolas and Natasha" (by the way I just made up those names - I honestly can't remember them but please bare with me)

"When I think of Nicolas and Natasha...." My dad who was sitting next to me grunted and turned his chair all the way around for a better view. I almost died. I stared at the mushroom soup.

"...only word word comes to mind. " Long dramatic pause. "Gorka!"

The crowd cheered. "GORKA!"And everyone drank. End of toast. I asked my family what gorka means and my mom and uncle just laughed. "It means...Gorka." My dad applauded with the rest of the wedding guests. I buried my head in my water.


Now the waiters approached the wall directly behind our table and pulled down a screen. A SCREEN? Somewhere a projector was turned on and what might as well have been Russian MTV started on the screen. Like Hip Hop, half naked Russian women MTV. The music kicked in pretty loud. My mom, uncle and aunt turned their chairs around for better view.

The waiter asked if we wanted dessert. Somehow we got onto the topic of Buffalo Grove with him and he proudly announced that BG has the 2nd largest concentration of Russians outside of Moscow - or something like that - and is also the 2nd largest drunk driving town. I don't really think that either of those statements have been verified but still can't believe how proud he was of his "facts."

I was ready to bolt when my aunt ordered what sounded like a really good dessert and five spoons. I also noticed that in the meantime people were up on the stage setting something up. Before I could decide whether I would regret staying to satisfy my cravings, MTV came down and the curtains opened to a live band. Well a man with a key board synthesiser and a woman with a mic. A familiar beat began and so did she.

"Heat me baby won more time."


I almost died. Again. The dance floor started to fill up and the disco ball lit up. Our dessert came and I couldn't resist a few bites. By now it was close to 10 p.m. and I really needed to go. There was no graceful way out so I cut across the whole dance floor, nearly knocking over the group of five (I'm guessing) single ladies dancing in a circle. In the parking lot I ran into the bride and groom who were smoking with about 50% of their guests, the hostess and the old woman in sequins.